I want it baaaaaaaad.

WOD:   EMOTM 20 min
              1 power clean + 1 squat clean
              then
              10 min AMRAP
              5  hang clean
              5 push press
              5 front squat
              100 m run

It is so tempting to go back to the old ways of eating. The only good thing about eating the "old way" was it was thoughtless. I had done it for so long I knew exactly what to eat.

Nick and I were talking about dinner plans the other night and someone overheard me say that the boys could eat the Sloppy Joe and I would have the beef. She said, "oh, you don't like Sloppy Joe" and I replied, "yes, I like them but I'd rather just have the beef." She said, "I don't know how you do it." My thought was, it's easy. I want this bad enough.

Then, a friend called me on my way home from work and asked if I wanted to go play Keno (?) at a restaurant/bar. I had free time but how was I going to respond tactfully that I didn't want to go?
1. What the hell is Keno?
2. I don't hang out in bars/restaurants on Wednesday evenings.
3. I'd rather be by myself than sit in public and watch people eat about bunch a crap food and then smell like grease the rest of the night.

This isn't really something new. I'm much more of a coffee shop, let's meet early in the morning type visitor. Instead of just saying, "no, thank you" because that would have lead to an awkward pause, bitchy, weird moment, I just said, "I'm not really up for that. I don't drink, I am really sticking to this plan and I wouldn't be much fun." That entire sentence just came out wrong. Why? Because then it lead to the next question: "What plan are you sticking to?" to which my response was, "I'm not making a big deal out of it, just would rather not go." Huge fail. I need to work on that. Part of me cares and the other part of me doesn't. Instead, I went to the gym and burned my quads practically off my bones. It felt good.

I'm trying hard to figure this out. I don't know about the body or performance results, but my willpower is there. My attitude is there. And my drive.....because I want it bad enough.