35 years later...

Happy Birthday to ME!

I debated whether or not I should post this photo. I do not want to boast about the things I have in my life. On the other hand, I am extremely blessed with a hard working husband who has the opportunity to surprise me with nice gifts because of the countless hours of overtime he puts in. AND, I am HAPPY! I am SURPRISED! I am beyond any words that can describe the amount of joy I have for my new hot tub!!!!!! Wow, just wow. I never expected this in a million years. The kids are just as excited!

Another birthday, another year, another reflection. The date has such an important meaning to our country that I often don't find time on that day to sit and complain about being another year older. Finally, I'm starting to feel like I am at a point in my life where I am just beginning to figure things out. I survived the newborn and toddler years. Josalyn is thankfully (thus far) making the teenage years enjoyable. Connor and Parker are showing signs of independence, accountability, some work ethic and most importantly compassion and love towards others. Nick has finished his masters degree and slowly regaining some free time. And then there's me.

In February, I took control of my health. I started holding myself accountable to long-term goals. No more crash dieting or quick fixes. This time is about consistency, longevity, and enjoyment. There are still bad days or even bad weekends. There are still days I fight the negative self-talk. There are days where I still wish I "looked" like someone else. But, there are more days that I make the right food choices and walk away from the bad. There are more days that I love myself and appreciate the work I put in. And there are more days I love those people that work hard and look amazing and channel the old jealous thoughts.

It's a process. I can look back and see progress from 10 months ago a lot easier than I can from 2 months ago. I can appreciate my journey.

I'm not the skinniest I've ever been. I can't run the fastest I've ever run. I can't even lift the heaviest I've lifted. That's okay.

I have my health and a healthy family. And good (knock on wood) children. I have the most sincere, honest, and fun group of friends. Not to mention a great career that I take pride in doing the work I do. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and now a HOT TUB where I can come home and relax!

I always regret not taking more time to blog. It's fun to look back on memories and re-read the journey. So, the challenge will be to try to keep up.

Here's to a a rocking and relaxing 35!

WOD: 5 min AMRAP
            squat clean & shoulder to overhead

Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.
Unless you are Nick.
Nick will make you do it.

worry wart

WOD: 20 thrusters
            20 push press
            20 ohs
            20 front squat
            EMOTM 4 OTB burpees


I was g-chatting with my boss this morning and he said, "let's talk about this on Monday" and my reply was, "Next week is a new week. I need to stop worrying about things that are beyond my control. I can only do what I can do. These issues can't be my focus or I'll burn out and not have anything positive to use my energy towards." Basically I was saying- I'm going to get this out now because I'm done and over with it. No need to wait until Monday.

Then, I was browsing Facebook (as I routinely do after using my brain for a long period of time) and found this quote, "Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn't change anything. All it does is steal your job and keeps you very busy doing nothing."

How true. Perfect timing. My brain if full of worry from the second I wake up until I the second I fall to sleep.

I have so much energy and it shouldn't go to waste worrying. I can use some of it to start hugging, I suppose...

Leave me the fu** alone

WOD: Partner
            10-8-6-4-2
            Thursters
            Snatch
            OHS
            C&J
            400 m run after each round


Sunday Fun day's are my absolute favorite day of the week to work out. First, everyone that shows up wants to be there. They aren't there just going through the motions. Second, everyone that shows up is my friend and I LOVE hanging out with them! Today was tough. Today tested my mental strength. I left happy and got an awesome work out in.

Recently, there was an article floating around Facebook about signing up for the Crossfit Open. This is the first year in 5 years that I am not signing up. I have a variety of reasons for not doing it this year. Let me start off by telling you, what I do and don't do doesn't need justified. I can simply say, "no thank you," and that should be good enough. Kindly accept my declined response and walk away.

When I joined Crossfit, the environment was contagious. I plotted all week about the Open WOD. I strategized and configured every rep. I was confident on Friday evening when I showed up, I was bringing 100%. The entire gym was there. Everybody was yelling and screaming and supporting one another. It was the place to be and nobody was going to miss it.

As the years went by, some of the enthusiasm declined.  The gym scene changed. It was no longer THE event, but instead, just part of the Friday WOD for the day. The screams and cheers where more like faint claps. It became a game. How many times could you redo the workout. How many times could you redo it without the other people knowing. And how long could you wait to submit your score so others couldn't see your new score until it was too late.

This "friendly" competition (because we all already knew we weren't making it to regionals) ruined comradery between workout buddies. It created bad mouthing about who the judge was, why it was on off hours, did the handstand start at the bottom or the top, the tape wasn't marked high enough, on and on.

This all turned me off. But I kept going back. I want to support the CF community. The people who make it to Regionals and the Games deserve to be there. The amount of work that it takes to get to that level is undeniably the hardest thing I could ever imagine training to do. I WANT to support that. I want to support the last person finishing. I want to support the member that got the first muscle up during the Open. I want that.  But that's not what's happening.

I finally decided that I'm going to pass. I'm going to pass because my motivation doesn't come from what others around me are doing. I have set my goals. I don't need to see where I match up to those in my age range, those in my area or even those at my gym. We all have different goals. We all work on different movements and lifts. If your goal is to see how you match up, then great, the Open is for you. Even if you have something to prove to yourself, great. I'll help cheer for you.

I spend too much of my time already trying NOT to compare myself to the next person. This only feeds the unhealthy conversations I battle every day with myself. Is it my problem? Absolutely. Is it okay to not participate? You better believe it. Does that make me a bad person? <your opinion doesn't matter>

So, when I regretfully decline or the next person you ask does the same, smile and walk away. We all have our goals and we all have our battles. I don't need to hear what you think about it.

obsessed

WOD: 21-15-9
           OHS
           HSPU

Strength: 3x5 banded bench press

In the later part of 2015, I discovered two new unsustainable must-haves in my life. Lululemon pants and venison. I'm not rich and I'm not a hunter, so neither will last long.

For the first time since 1997 (Abercrombie & Fitch), I have found a pair of pants that are long enough and haven't shrunk after accidentally finding their way to the dryer. These pants are so long that I have to roll them up! The third order I placed was a little iffy. I went down a size for some motivation. When I finally got them up over my butt, they were so tight that I was like a spring waiting to be sprung! They will help me work towards my new goals.

The venison was given to us from my uncle. We were given at least 30+ pounds and I've eaten it almost every day since then. There's still a good supply in the freezer to hopefully get me through February. If you haven't tried it before, I suggest finding some. I've made chili, sloppy joes, tacos, steak, pot roast and just plain browned in the skillet.

I'm going to need a second job and a hunting license.

Sidenote: What is with this new Dr. Oz Day-Off Diet? It sounds almost crazy and I'm confident if I took one day to consume anything I wanted to, I could take in 5,000 calories of nothing but sugar! More on that later.

and....

It is January 2. Did you make resolutions for the new year? How's that going?

I'm not big on resolutions. I don't think I've ever stuck to one. I probably had the "I'm going to lose weight" resolution for many years. Then it was the "I'm going to be more patient, kind, caring, etc" resolution.

This is the year for NO resolutions. Here's a list of things I'm NOT going to do in 2016.

I'm not:

• going to sit on Facebook every extra minute of the day
• checking my email after 7pm
• skipping roller coaster rides with my kids
• counting calories
• look in the mirror and find everything wrong with my body
• waiting until the sun comes up to get out and exercise
• talking myself out of that last mile
• missing a goodbye kiss to my husband
• not RXing because it looks hard

That's it. It's not technically a resolution. They are all things I don't want to look back on and wish I had done differently. Living life in the fast lane and there's no time to slow down. Make the best as you fly by!

Happy 2016!

That's a wrap! Goodbye, 2015

WOD: 14.4
            14 Min AMRAP - that part makes me laugh
            60 cal row
            50 T2B
            40 Wall Balls
            30 Cleans
            20 MUs

RUN: 2.6 miles

I guess I am back in the blogging mood. I take time off but then I feel like I have all these thoughts just taking up space in my brain. Once I get them out, I can move forward. So, to start off the new year, I'm getting rid of the space from this year.

Reflection is important. My life is busy. I like this quote, "Don't become too preoccupied with what is happening around you. Pay more attention to what is going on within you." - Mary-Frances Winters

2015 had some sad moments that have left holes in my life. However, those holes were quickly replaced with new love and now found memories.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Surgery, radiation and healing followed. The older I get, the more I realize the strength my mom has had for many years. She's a fighter. I also realized through all of this that even though my parent's marriage wasn't a success, there is a strong appreciation and respect for one another and most importantly, for their kids. My dad was there for us. My dad hurt because we hurt. He is a man of character through his actions and unspoken words.

A dear, dear friend passed away in May. Sharing the grieving process with my children was one of the hardest things I have ever been faced to deal with. I often joked with John that God put him in my life because He knew I needed him. He said, God put us in his life because he needed us, too! He (and Joyce still is) the local parent and grandparents. His loss wasn't like losing a parent. I'm not sure I can compare it to that because I've never lost a parent. But the void is there. It will always be there. We have found memories of John. I often hear his words of advice run through my mind in certain situations. To say, "I miss him" just doesn't do justice for how much I truly miss him.


I have a lot to be thankful for in 2015, as well. My biggest accomplishment was my new job! I have been working at UD for 10 years. I have always loved my job (minus 1 day) and knew that this was my fit. When I did a little shift in jobs, I REALLY realized how much I loved my job and was aggressively ready to tackle the next step. I am fortunate to work with great people.

We also found a new church. We took a small break from the worship service back in May and began looking for a new church in August. We ended up at a church I never imagined attending and haven't quit going since our first visit. I have a dear friend, Julie, to thank for that! Most importantly, Nick also goes with us. You don't realize that you've needed something until it was there. He was what I needed. I needed him to be invested in our faith journey with me. It feels good. My soul is full and my marriage is being strengthened.

The best news: My mom is cancer free and has been back to running, running and more running! My kids are healthy! Nick and I are healthy and there's nothing more than important than that!

Within our gym family, we have found some of the most wonderful people. We have great friendships. It's hard sometimes to imagine what my life was life before all of these people. Where the heck were they?! I waited 34 years to find friendships like this and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I have some big goals for 2016. There are things that Nick and I want to tackle that will test our faith, patience and sanity.

My life is full. I am thankful. I'm ready for 2016!

what a hike

3 mile run (9:15 pace)
1 mile walk (recovery)


If you ever have a chance to visit Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes, I would highly recommend it. But before you pull off the side of the road at the first sign you see, I would suggest doing a little research and find the sand dunes that are in your fitness range. We made a minor mistake and hiked the first pull off only later to find out that we were on the advanced path!

Sometimes it is okay to not know what is ahead. A challenging hike made everyone feel accomplished and it was rewarding for all.

Grandpa Bob stopped about a mile in the hike. The kids and I went the 1.5 miles left and made our way to the shore of Lake Michigan. It was well worth the 5 mile (3 hour) hike! The water was beautiful (58 degrees)!

Nobody complained and the only request I heard was for drinks of water. These little dudes are awesome!

I can't believe, once again, it has been over a month since my last post! I have some exciting things happening in the next month or so and I am so excited to share them with you. BUT, I don't want to jinx myself.

I recently did the Advocare 10 day cleanse and have been on track with my eating. I have run a total of 0 miles the entire month of January. In return I added an awesome boot camp class three days a week. I'm currently only using Wednesday as my rest day. I love boot camp!

Say a little prayer for Monday. My mom had surgery a couple weeks ago to remove the cancer and they biopsied a few other spots. Let's hope that we tackled it all the first time and now can move on to the treatment!

WOD: 21-15-9
           10# WB
           Warrior Burpees
            24" Box Jumps

holiday binge eating

WOD: BOOTCAMP

I can feel myself slowly falling into the trap of eating the sweets "because it's Christmas." I can come up with a holiday or reason to eat a sweet any day. But, when it is the holidays and you know that New Year's is right around the corner and the New Year's Resolution follows that, who gives a sh**. I'm going to shovel is cookie after cookie and not pay any attention.

I'm hoping to have a little more control this year. For starters, I didn't do any baking. I've already gone to three holiday gatherings. The first one I carb loaded on lasagna and did treat myself to a couple sweets. The good news was I wanted out of there so I ate and left. I didn't have time to sit around and talk and continue eating. The second meal was so filling, I skipped dinner. I have never been so full in my life! No room for sweets. The third gathering was planned. I looked at the menu ahead of time and made my selection and stuck to it. No sweets.

Christmas Eve will be a little different. I am going to have fondue and will probably have more sweets that day. It's one day. The day will end.

2015 will not come with any crazy diets. I'm learning to love who I am.

rest days

I had a soccer game Friday night and Saturday and Sunday were rest days. Rest = no time to get to the gym.  We had soccer, wrestling, shopping and Santa on Saturday and Sunday we had church and wrestling.

It feels good to rest. Resting is a mental battle. Going to the gym or running has become such a habit that missing a day feels like I'm sick or something; it throws everything off. I have never figured out a good "rest routine" mostly because my rest falls on days that it's impossible due to other commitments to make it there.

A few things to do on rest days:
1. Sit on the couch. Recover.
2. Stretch. Roll out those sore muscles.
3. Light cardio. Swim, hike, bike, shopping.....
4. Enjoy a treat you wouldn't normally eat.
5. Nookie.  That's right. Do it. It's variation. Work on your mobility.

Do your body a favor and take a rest day!

cancer? Well, this sucks.

WOD: 3 miles
            3 rounds for time
            5 HSPU
            7 Mason Twists (20#)
            15 Box Jumps

I wish I was a better writer.  I wish I was able to articulate every emotion, feeling and thought that has crossed my mind in the last 12 hours. More importantly, I wish I could describe to you the type of woman that I think my mom is and the amount of love that I feel for her. I will try my best, but it won't compare on paper.

At 1:39pm, I received the dreadful text. "I have cancer." I knew this was a possibility so I was a tad bit prepared for the worst. But, I was more than a tad bit hopeful that it was nothing and life would resume back to normal after my mom's doctor appointment that day.

But it didn't and it won't.

My chest grew tighter, the tears were flowing and the hate was beginning to creep in. I know it is okay to express the emotions but passing out from lack of oxygen, crying a river or punching something wasn't going to make this outcome any different. I laced up my shoes and I went for a run.

Running, crying, yelling, running, stomping, I did it all. Why? Because I could.

When someone comments on my determination, commitment or hard work, it's a compliment. It's a compliment because I have learned that from my mom. My mom is the strongest person I know. She will be  a fighter. She will be a trooper and she will do it with all of the grace and dignity she has. Of course, all of this will happen as soon as she finishes running her marathons on January 12! Because she's cool like that.

Love you, Mommy. <3

a time of knowing nothing

WOD: 15 burpees
            21 KB swings
            12 pull ups
              3 Rounds


Thanksgiving was wonderful. A tad stressful with the sports commitments and the traveling (3 kids and 2 dogs), but aside from my normal stress, it was a nice time spent with my family.

I crawled out of bed before extra early and bundled up. I was able to run 5 miles with my dog during a light snow shower. It was beautiful. I managed to only make one trip to the dinner buffet and two small pieces of dessert.

I find myself wanting to run more these days. There's something about being outside with the brisk air on my face and my feet hitting the pavement that makes me feel like I have some sort of control in this crazy life. The more I run, the more I can clear my head. The further I run, the more I know I can push my body. Sometimes I feel like the worries and stress will go away when I get back. It typically doesn't but for those few hours I am able to forget what's weighing me down.

xo

where have I gone?

WOD: AMRAP 20 min
            teams of 3
            5 Hang Snatch, 5 OHS, 5 bar over burpees
            30DUs
            rest

It has been over a month since I last posted on here. I get into the routine of doing what I'm doing and this just seems to slip out of my mind. I think about blogging but then I feel like nothing I have to say is important enough to type or interesting enough to make others want to read!

Thanksgiving will be here in 2 days. I'm not sure I can handle another day in the gym. My muscles are screaming for a rest day and my feet wouldn't move faster than a speed walk if I was walking on hot coals. So, today will be a rest day!

Here are a few helpful tips to survive the mounds of food and the piles of sweets that will be tempting on Thursday:

1. Get up and run/workout. 
Stick with your routine. There's no such thing as, "I'm not going to the gym because it's Thanksgiving." or "I'm just taking these days off." Hit the pavement. You won't regret it.

2. Nutrition Awareness.
Stick to the sweet potatoes, corn and turkey or ham. Give yourself a generous portion of the garden salad. Avoid gravy and sauces and toss that dinner roll to Aunt Gladys!

3. Get up and move!
Dinner is over. Your stomach is full. Time for a nap! OR......go play with the kids. Volunteer to wash dishes. Do whatever you have to do to keep moving. Once you sit down, game over. Keep your fitbit turned on and hit those 10,000 steps!

Is the decision we make today going to help or hinder us reach our goal tomorrow?

WOD:  6.5 mile run

Sunday is always my favorite day of the week! I always can count on getting in a longer run in the afternoon.

Friday was my first day off the Whole 30 Challenge. I had a strict 14 day streak and then a funnel cake! Then I had another 14 day streak. Friday was my birthday lunch at Cheesecake Factory. I had made the decision earlier in the week that I was going to order the customary Oreo Extreme cheesecake. It was worth the wait and the decision.

I didn't regret eating the cheesecake.

Is the decision we make today going to help or hinder us reach our goal tomorrow? And, if I make this decision today, will I regret it tomorrow?

Eat the cheesecake if it's worth it to you. Savor the taste, texture, and smell. When you are finished, walk away and move forward. No regrets. Next meal.

WOD: AMRAP 3 min
           20 DU
           10 DB Slams
           AMRAP 3 min
           10  Hollow Rocks
           10 OH Dball Lunges
           2 Rounds
           

Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. 

Be proud of every step you take towards reaching your goal.

you.

WOD: 20 pullups
            30 push ups
            40 sit ups
            50 squats
             5 rounds

Keep going. Progress doesn't happen overnight. We have a years of bad habits that we are trying to break. We have hundreds of hours of media that has been ingrained into our head about how society thinks we should act, eat, and behave. We have triggers that make us associate memories with food. We have so much going on in our lives that we can only squeeze in a visit with friends over a meal.

Slow down. Find you.

Today I realized that every day is flying by. I don't have enough time in the day to appreciate all of the beauty that God has created.

Every day is a new day with new steps. All those steps are moving forward, which means we are making progress. Celebrate today and your accomplishments. And then do it again tomorrow. There's no rush.

WOD: 5 mile run

When you are hungry, ask yourself, "Can I sit down and eat a plate full of fish and broccoli?" 

If the answer is yes, you are hungry. 

If the answer is no, you are bored.

Nut Bars (Whole 30 approved)
1 cup walnuts, almonds or cashews (or mix)
1 cup dates or raisins
1 cup dries cranberries
1 cup unsweetened coconut

Put in food processor.
Add 1 T water.
Press in 8x8 pan, chill.
Cut into bars.

too many apples?

WOD: 7 min to find 1 rm clean
           1 min rest
           21-15-9
           Back Squats, Med ball sit ups, KB snatch

I love to eat apples. They tend to be a quick grab off the counter snack when I'm rushing around all summer. By fall, I'm ready for something different. Honeycrisp apples are my favorite but when the entire family likes apples, they get expensive. Here are a few ideas when you have apples that need to be eaten or you'd like a change:

 

Apples (with skin) in the crock pot for 4-6 hours. 

Sprinkle cinnamon on top.

Smells delish!

 

Sliced apples sprinkled with cinnamon.

Bake 400 degrees

60  minutes