hit the "refresh" button

Saturday: 2.5 mi run
                100 DB cleans
                100 Plate Burpees
                1 mi run

Monday morning rolls around. I get out of bed and think, "What the hell did I do to myself this weekend?" It's not always on a Monday that I think that. Sometimes it's even as early as Saturday night. For me, the downward spiral began on Friday after lunch. You know the story (excuse), thick butter cream icing on the ole birthday cake. You can smell it for a mile away. It weighs on my mind like a vest full of bricks. I finally give in and BAM! Next thing I know, I'm two pieces deep and licking frosting off my fingers. Then, Friday night is the cookout. You know where this is going, don't you?! Saturday was Parker's birthday party...oh my.

So, I woke up Saturday morning to a great workout with a friend. Having a buddy to hold you accountable is awesome. She's also a very fast runner (emphasis of very). We had a great run and we both pushed each other. I wish my Garmin was on because I felt like that last mile was a PR.

Sunday, was the day I hit the "refresh" button and back on track I went. Sugar Detox is what's in store. Here's to another new beginning of a great week!

God gave me this body.

This issue has been on my mind and while I was on vacation it resurfaced. I'm not sure if I will finish this post, but I'll give it a try.

I don't want to pin myself as a "typical" thirty something year old that just has image and body issues. I would like to think that this isn't normal and what consumes most of my brain space isn't what others worry about. However, since I began my weight loss journey (that's what I call it, although at the time I didn't even realize weight was what I needed to lose) I had an image in my mind of what I thought I should look like. That image was how I measured myself and determined that I was successful.

I picked this picture because I have another one with the same pose. This picture was taken when I started watching how much food I ate. I still ate whatever I wanted, but it was all about portions. And, this was also in the midst of a lot of race training.

Today, I weigh about 14 pounds more than I did in that picture. I still have the same baby tummy skin and the same bathing suit (ha).

Up until this point, I would have told you that I was SOOO happy with how I looked in the first picture. That is "the body" I keep longing for today. However, when I look at the two side by side, there's not much difference (well....).

While running, I was thinking about how hard I am on myself. How I am constantly aiming for this level of achievement and constantly disappointed in myself when I think I have failed.

Why? God made me this way. This is the body he gave me. I don't starve myself. I don't binge eat. I watch what foods I put into my body and if it's healthy then who cares how much I eat.  I am able to run at a decent pace, I can lift an okay amount of weight, I can keep up in a workout, I can fit in all my clothes, I can enjoy a piece of cake or a bowl of ice cream. So, why in the world do I not like myself?! It's okay. I can't change my broad shoulders or my large arms. I can't make the saggy skin disappear from my waistline. But, I can control my attitude and be thankful for the body I have been given. I can treat it with care and be respectful to what I do with it.

It's a hard shift in my attitude. I don't want to just accept myself. I want to love my "shell" and be thankful because it could be a lot worse!

I have a roof over my head, healthy children, a great career and a loving and hard working husband. That's what matters, right?!

backed up or backed out?!

I would be telling a big fat lie if I said I was going to the gym as frequently as I have gone in the past. The truth is, I am lucky if I make it there once a week right now. I have been running, and running, and running. And frankly, when it's 90+ degrees outside, I'd rather be running and catching a cool breeze rather than sitting in gym with minimal air flow. Call me a fair weather fan if you will. Last month I clocked almost 100 miles and this month I'm raking them up also. I was thinking that I should try another 5k soon. I feel like I am gaining some speed these days. Who knows.

I'm trying to catch back up and stay accountable on here. It does seem to help when I feel the sense of responsibility to write it down.

Summer is here in full force. If you were working for that bikini body, now's the test!

miles are up!

I try to keep track of how many miles and gym sessions I do each month. This helps me stay accountable and also make sure that my Crossfit membership is worth the cost.

I am happy to report that in May, I ran 93 miles!

It has been over two years since I last ran that much in a single month. I need to keep it going! Mapmyrun.com is a good app for my phone that helps me keep track.

Five days until we leave for Florida so I have to make the final push and keep it strong!