35 years later...

Happy Birthday to ME!

I debated whether or not I should post this photo. I do not want to boast about the things I have in my life. On the other hand, I am extremely blessed with a hard working husband who has the opportunity to surprise me with nice gifts because of the countless hours of overtime he puts in. AND, I am HAPPY! I am SURPRISED! I am beyond any words that can describe the amount of joy I have for my new hot tub!!!!!! Wow, just wow. I never expected this in a million years. The kids are just as excited!

Another birthday, another year, another reflection. The date has such an important meaning to our country that I often don't find time on that day to sit and complain about being another year older. Finally, I'm starting to feel like I am at a point in my life where I am just beginning to figure things out. I survived the newborn and toddler years. Josalyn is thankfully (thus far) making the teenage years enjoyable. Connor and Parker are showing signs of independence, accountability, some work ethic and most importantly compassion and love towards others. Nick has finished his masters degree and slowly regaining some free time. And then there's me.

In February, I took control of my health. I started holding myself accountable to long-term goals. No more crash dieting or quick fixes. This time is about consistency, longevity, and enjoyment. There are still bad days or even bad weekends. There are still days I fight the negative self-talk. There are days where I still wish I "looked" like someone else. But, there are more days that I make the right food choices and walk away from the bad. There are more days that I love myself and appreciate the work I put in. And there are more days I love those people that work hard and look amazing and channel the old jealous thoughts.

It's a process. I can look back and see progress from 10 months ago a lot easier than I can from 2 months ago. I can appreciate my journey.

I'm not the skinniest I've ever been. I can't run the fastest I've ever run. I can't even lift the heaviest I've lifted. That's okay.

I have my health and a healthy family. And good (knock on wood) children. I have the most sincere, honest, and fun group of friends. Not to mention a great career that I take pride in doing the work I do. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and now a HOT TUB where I can come home and relax!

I always regret not taking more time to blog. It's fun to look back on memories and re-read the journey. So, the challenge will be to try to keep up.

Here's to a a rocking and relaxing 35!

WOD: 5 min AMRAP
            squat clean & shoulder to overhead

Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.
Unless you are Nick.
Nick will make you do it.

worry wart

WOD: 20 thrusters
            20 push press
            20 ohs
            20 front squat
            EMOTM 4 OTB burpees


I was g-chatting with my boss this morning and he said, "let's talk about this on Monday" and my reply was, "Next week is a new week. I need to stop worrying about things that are beyond my control. I can only do what I can do. These issues can't be my focus or I'll burn out and not have anything positive to use my energy towards." Basically I was saying- I'm going to get this out now because I'm done and over with it. No need to wait until Monday.

Then, I was browsing Facebook (as I routinely do after using my brain for a long period of time) and found this quote, "Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn't change anything. All it does is steal your job and keeps you very busy doing nothing."

How true. Perfect timing. My brain if full of worry from the second I wake up until I the second I fall to sleep.

I have so much energy and it shouldn't go to waste worrying. I can use some of it to start hugging, I suppose...

Leave me the fu** alone

WOD: Partner
            10-8-6-4-2
            Thursters
            Snatch
            OHS
            C&J
            400 m run after each round


Sunday Fun day's are my absolute favorite day of the week to work out. First, everyone that shows up wants to be there. They aren't there just going through the motions. Second, everyone that shows up is my friend and I LOVE hanging out with them! Today was tough. Today tested my mental strength. I left happy and got an awesome work out in.

Recently, there was an article floating around Facebook about signing up for the Crossfit Open. This is the first year in 5 years that I am not signing up. I have a variety of reasons for not doing it this year. Let me start off by telling you, what I do and don't do doesn't need justified. I can simply say, "no thank you," and that should be good enough. Kindly accept my declined response and walk away.

When I joined Crossfit, the environment was contagious. I plotted all week about the Open WOD. I strategized and configured every rep. I was confident on Friday evening when I showed up, I was bringing 100%. The entire gym was there. Everybody was yelling and screaming and supporting one another. It was the place to be and nobody was going to miss it.

As the years went by, some of the enthusiasm declined.  The gym scene changed. It was no longer THE event, but instead, just part of the Friday WOD for the day. The screams and cheers where more like faint claps. It became a game. How many times could you redo the workout. How many times could you redo it without the other people knowing. And how long could you wait to submit your score so others couldn't see your new score until it was too late.

This "friendly" competition (because we all already knew we weren't making it to regionals) ruined comradery between workout buddies. It created bad mouthing about who the judge was, why it was on off hours, did the handstand start at the bottom or the top, the tape wasn't marked high enough, on and on.

This all turned me off. But I kept going back. I want to support the CF community. The people who make it to Regionals and the Games deserve to be there. The amount of work that it takes to get to that level is undeniably the hardest thing I could ever imagine training to do. I WANT to support that. I want to support the last person finishing. I want to support the member that got the first muscle up during the Open. I want that.  But that's not what's happening.

I finally decided that I'm going to pass. I'm going to pass because my motivation doesn't come from what others around me are doing. I have set my goals. I don't need to see where I match up to those in my age range, those in my area or even those at my gym. We all have different goals. We all work on different movements and lifts. If your goal is to see how you match up, then great, the Open is for you. Even if you have something to prove to yourself, great. I'll help cheer for you.

I spend too much of my time already trying NOT to compare myself to the next person. This only feeds the unhealthy conversations I battle every day with myself. Is it my problem? Absolutely. Is it okay to not participate? You better believe it. Does that make me a bad person? <your opinion doesn't matter>

So, when I regretfully decline or the next person you ask does the same, smile and walk away. We all have our goals and we all have our battles. I don't need to hear what you think about it.

obsessed

WOD: 21-15-9
           OHS
           HSPU

Strength: 3x5 banded bench press

In the later part of 2015, I discovered two new unsustainable must-haves in my life. Lululemon pants and venison. I'm not rich and I'm not a hunter, so neither will last long.

For the first time since 1997 (Abercrombie & Fitch), I have found a pair of pants that are long enough and haven't shrunk after accidentally finding their way to the dryer. These pants are so long that I have to roll them up! The third order I placed was a little iffy. I went down a size for some motivation. When I finally got them up over my butt, they were so tight that I was like a spring waiting to be sprung! They will help me work towards my new goals.

The venison was given to us from my uncle. We were given at least 30+ pounds and I've eaten it almost every day since then. There's still a good supply in the freezer to hopefully get me through February. If you haven't tried it before, I suggest finding some. I've made chili, sloppy joes, tacos, steak, pot roast and just plain browned in the skillet.

I'm going to need a second job and a hunting license.

Sidenote: What is with this new Dr. Oz Day-Off Diet? It sounds almost crazy and I'm confident if I took one day to consume anything I wanted to, I could take in 5,000 calories of nothing but sugar! More on that later.

and....

It is January 2. Did you make resolutions for the new year? How's that going?

I'm not big on resolutions. I don't think I've ever stuck to one. I probably had the "I'm going to lose weight" resolution for many years. Then it was the "I'm going to be more patient, kind, caring, etc" resolution.

This is the year for NO resolutions. Here's a list of things I'm NOT going to do in 2016.

I'm not:

• going to sit on Facebook every extra minute of the day
• checking my email after 7pm
• skipping roller coaster rides with my kids
• counting calories
• look in the mirror and find everything wrong with my body
• waiting until the sun comes up to get out and exercise
• talking myself out of that last mile
• missing a goodbye kiss to my husband
• not RXing because it looks hard

That's it. It's not technically a resolution. They are all things I don't want to look back on and wish I had done differently. Living life in the fast lane and there's no time to slow down. Make the best as you fly by!

Happy 2016!

That's a wrap! Goodbye, 2015

WOD: 14.4
            14 Min AMRAP - that part makes me laugh
            60 cal row
            50 T2B
            40 Wall Balls
            30 Cleans
            20 MUs

RUN: 2.6 miles

I guess I am back in the blogging mood. I take time off but then I feel like I have all these thoughts just taking up space in my brain. Once I get them out, I can move forward. So, to start off the new year, I'm getting rid of the space from this year.

Reflection is important. My life is busy. I like this quote, "Don't become too preoccupied with what is happening around you. Pay more attention to what is going on within you." - Mary-Frances Winters

2015 had some sad moments that have left holes in my life. However, those holes were quickly replaced with new love and now found memories.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Surgery, radiation and healing followed. The older I get, the more I realize the strength my mom has had for many years. She's a fighter. I also realized through all of this that even though my parent's marriage wasn't a success, there is a strong appreciation and respect for one another and most importantly, for their kids. My dad was there for us. My dad hurt because we hurt. He is a man of character through his actions and unspoken words.

A dear, dear friend passed away in May. Sharing the grieving process with my children was one of the hardest things I have ever been faced to deal with. I often joked with John that God put him in my life because He knew I needed him. He said, God put us in his life because he needed us, too! He (and Joyce still is) the local parent and grandparents. His loss wasn't like losing a parent. I'm not sure I can compare it to that because I've never lost a parent. But the void is there. It will always be there. We have found memories of John. I often hear his words of advice run through my mind in certain situations. To say, "I miss him" just doesn't do justice for how much I truly miss him.


I have a lot to be thankful for in 2015, as well. My biggest accomplishment was my new job! I have been working at UD for 10 years. I have always loved my job (minus 1 day) and knew that this was my fit. When I did a little shift in jobs, I REALLY realized how much I loved my job and was aggressively ready to tackle the next step. I am fortunate to work with great people.

We also found a new church. We took a small break from the worship service back in May and began looking for a new church in August. We ended up at a church I never imagined attending and haven't quit going since our first visit. I have a dear friend, Julie, to thank for that! Most importantly, Nick also goes with us. You don't realize that you've needed something until it was there. He was what I needed. I needed him to be invested in our faith journey with me. It feels good. My soul is full and my marriage is being strengthened.

The best news: My mom is cancer free and has been back to running, running and more running! My kids are healthy! Nick and I are healthy and there's nothing more than important than that!

Within our gym family, we have found some of the most wonderful people. We have great friendships. It's hard sometimes to imagine what my life was life before all of these people. Where the heck were they?! I waited 34 years to find friendships like this and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I have some big goals for 2016. There are things that Nick and I want to tackle that will test our faith, patience and sanity.

My life is full. I am thankful. I'm ready for 2016!